Not a summer goes by that I don’t think of that great old song:
“Summertime, and the living is easy.
Fish are jumping and the cotton is high.
Your daddy’s rich and your mama’s good looking.
So hush pretty baby, don’t you cry.”
Great lyrics and an appropriately laid back, lazy tune. Problem is, the lyrics no longer ring true. How about a 2008 version, something like:
Summertime, and living’s not easy.
Gas is jumping and airfares are high.
Your ‘folio’s not rich, nor the markets good looking.
So go ahead baby, have a good cry.
Done with that? OK, now to the essential point. As we age, the skills of resiliency and adaptability become all the more essential to our psychological, biological and social health and well being. Ironically, the present economic environment can be helpful in that regard. Not even the most died-in-the-wool control freak believes he can fight the near-daily rise in gas prices or make his case to the airlines. How do I know that? He’s me! And so, in the year I enter my 7th decade, I’m being afforded (!) the opportunity once again to learn to let go of all that I can’t control, and make reasonable plans for things that might happen outside of my personal preferences..
Perhaps, before summer’s end, I’ll have gotten closer to the benefits of living easy. I may even take up fishing!
Filed under: Perspectives and Trends
Wow, can I relate! Sounds like you’ve stumbled onto some practical techniques to manage our tendencies to control. Are you willing to share your secrets to transform control freaks into more resilient people?
Secrets? The first has to do with the permanent bump in the middle of my forehead from running into obstacles and barriers in my efforts to control uncontrollables. As I become older, the rush I used to experience from “winning” control battles is becoming less rewarding than the price I pay, win or lose.
You imply that you’re a bit of a control freak yourself. If so, you know how ingrained and impulsive are the thought patterns that underlie the behaviors. I liken my controlling tendencies to an old addiction - no longer the same highs, more aware of the negative consequences - but, darned if I don’t keep on giving the monkey one more ride!
Still, I do find learning benefit in that which is so blatantly beyond my control - such things as I mentioned (gas prices; airline service). I’m trying to take note of what I am doing to adapt to those realities, and to apply those same techniques to other aspects of my day-to-day living. Reframing is helpful: resignation doesn’t have to equal defeat; shared decision making can reduce stress, risk - and strengthen relationships.
What have others discovered that has helped them moderate from control to cooperation and collaboration?