By Dennis
“Let me tell you where I’m at in life”. This was the opening comments from Bill who is ready to make important decisions in his life. After completing the initial survey, he decided that Family was one of the Eight Essential Elements in which to begin work.
Bill stated he has been reflecting on his life and also stated that a particular song he grew up with has just recently impacted him all over again. Like many boomers, Bill both enjoyed music and identified with many of the lyrics.
It was December 1974, Bill was in the middle of work, family and marriage. At the same time Billboard Chart topping song was “Cats in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin.
“The song could have been written for me”, Bill exclaimed. He went on, “did you know that Harry was inspired to write this song from a poem that his wife Sandy wrote? Harry wrote this song when he became upset with himself for missing his own son’s birth while on tour. It’s a song that was written out of the heart of a man in touch with his own weaknesses and an awareness of how easy it is to go through life and miss the really important things”
“I wish I had spent more time with my family, I can’t turn back the clock but I want to make changes from here on out”, Bill said firmly.
“I heard a minister talk about the Tireless Thirties, The Fiery Forties, Fabulous Fifties, Serene Sixties and I thought that’s me, I was all about the tireless, fiery side of life!”, Bill mused.
“I told my family I was doing it for them. I’m putting in the 60 or more hours a week to provide for you. I know I missed a lot of the sports and school activities, but after all it’s quality time, not quantity, right?” Bill decided it is about both!
“I may not be in the sunset years of my life, but I’m aware that it’s on the horizon and I’d like to have those people that are the most important to me, here to share the view.”
Action oriented questions we developed for Bill to work with are as follows:
- What do I want my primary relationship to look like when we have more time with each other?
- What must I do to mend relationships with those I have neglected?
- How can I strengthen the relationships with those on my inner most circle?
- How close do I want to live to my children, grandchildren? Bill first wrote out his response to each of the above questions. While it was not easy, it was very meaningful and gave Bill new insight for the next part of his action plan. He decided that he would immediately initiate communication with several people on his “needs improvement list”, and if the person was not receptive now find a way to leave the communication door open.
Filed under: Family, My Plan After 50 Musings | Tagged: action oriented questions, coaching, communication
I had a parent like Bill who was really working hard for his family and therefore wasn’t with us very much. I know, in my youth, I misunderstood his absence and would urge children to reconnect with absent parents once they’ve grown. I think you learn greater empathy as you grow older that you might lack in your youth. I also had a parent who was absent because she wanted to be and I think I misunderstood this as well. I would have interacted with my parents very differently had I spent the time to connect with them as adults instead of just discounting them as parents.